Sniff Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

The more time I spend at the dog park, the more I’m coming to realize that dog society shares much in common with human society. At the dog park, you have dominant dogs and submissive dogs. This resembles the hierarchies that we create in society. The big sloppy rottweiler humping the poodle is your boss. You, for these purposes, are the poodle. The poodle doesn’t particularly enjoy being mounted. In fact, he probably feels underappreciated, underpaid, and he certainly detests the long commute associated with the mounting. Still, he must grin and bear it, because that’s his position at the park or the office. The lab that growls over the stick when other dogs approach is in a position of power, too. His authority is not as obvious though. Maybe he’s a mother-in-law or a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Whenever a new dog shows up, all the other dogs must run to the gate and sniff its junk and lick its snout. This is like dating. New things receive a great deal of our attention in this manner. But after awhile, people tend to be more concerned about the rottweiler and the lab than anything else.

Barking is sometimes like complaining and some dogs do it more than others. At other times, barking is a request for attention, and again, some dogs do it more than others. You’ll find that little dogs bark the most, giving credence to the adage that often times one’s bark is worse than one’s bite. All of the above holds true for humans, as well. The smallest of the dogs – the Chihuahua – is the most obnoxious. The Chihuahua is the canine-equivalent to Napoleon. And don’t you think it would drive a big truck if it knew how to drive?

I often wondered whether dogs recognize when another dog looks like them. I once read that dogs don’t actually think of themselves as dogs, but as humans, like their owners. One day, this little Corgie showed up at the park. We don’t often have Corgies at the dog park, for one reason or another. But on this day, there happened to be a second Corgie already there. The new Corgie was caught up in all the customary sniffing and licking. But as soon as it saw the other Corgie that looked exactly like him, he stopped in his tracks, locked eyes and bolted for his twin. They spent the rest of the time only playing with .

More generally, young dogs play with young dogs. Big dogs with big dogs, small with small. Etc. This is like friendship. I’ve found that the greatest determinate of human friendship is age and physical attractiveness. If you were to take all humans and grade them on a scale from 1 to 20 in terms of attractiveness, you would find that each person’s friends tend to be within 1 or 2 points from them. I cannot think of any other measure that would be as predictive – intelligence, success, sense of humor, zodiac symbol, pulse rate, the quadratic equation, pH, whatever. Don’t believe me? Try it out for yourself. Rate yourself and your friends.

Welcome to the dog park called life. Watch where you step.