Slutty Donkey, Skanky Jerry

The other day someone said to me, “You like everyone the same.” It’s probably true. And I understood it to be a criticism. True, I tend to follow general laws of conduct rather than carving out exceptions for each person or circumstance. As such, I would tend to extend to everyone the same level of kindness rather than picking and choosing when and whom to love and hate. In some way, I find this to be more just appropriation of my feelings. In short, I’m a total slut-bag - to everyone and no one in particular.

The converse holds true as well. I dislike everyone the same. If I tried, I can probably name everyone I’ve ever disliked in my 25 years. Their names would number less than 8, maybe less than 5. Similarly, I can count the people that I’ve been absolutely enthralled with on a hand and a half, if not less. Most people, to me, fall somewhere in between.

I realized the significance of this when I was watching Seinfeld last night. It was the bubble-boy episode. Jerry and Elaine are in the coffee shop when this guy comes up to them and tells them this sob story about how his boy is in a bubble. The camera is on Elaine and the Dad and they are sobbing. Elaine and the Dad reach for a napkin to wipe the tears from their cheek. Elaine then extends a napkin out of frame to Jerry sitting across the table. We see that he has just taken a bite of his sandwich. He was eating the whole time. He’s not crying like the others. So, rather than wiping his tears, he uses the napkin to wipe the corner of his mouth. That’s Jerry. Jerry is like me in that we tend to live in the middle emotionally. It’s a nice, comfortable place to live.

It’s a place where love is found in equal proportion to hate, both of which are short in number compared to like and acceptance or tolerance. From the perspective of a third party, the upshot is that we’re relatively nice to strangers without cause. We don’t often lose our tempers, nor are we found jumping up and down clapping our hands (because that’s what people do when they’re really excited). We’re predictable and stable. We're a good place to go for dis-passionate advice. But with that comes the “downside” that people like us, well, we cant be expected to put down our sandwich.