America: Overfed and Overmedicated

I stopped Pizza Hut tonight to grab some dinner on my way home from the hardware store. There was only like a $2 difference between the large and the medium, so I went with the large. I figured I could have leftovers tomorrow. Then the guy tells me that because I ordered the large, I can get an additional medium pie for free. What the heck? So, now I’ve just ordered 15 pounds of pizza. Only in America.

Luckily we start playing ball again this week, so that should hold off the heart attack if only for a bit. Plus, the other day I went running with my dog. I’m pretty fast as humans go. My dog is pretty fast as dogs go. I decided to race him. I lost. I figured I had lost because he has more feet. But when I tried to race him on all fours, I lost again. It was at this point that I decided to cheat. I figured he would tire himself out by running and jumping through the woods, so I waited and waited. Then, towards the end of our walk, he got distracted by a squirrel and I bolted. I figured I could get a decent head start before he realized what was going on. I was right. But, he still beat me. If only I can find a way to have my opposable thumb be of advantage here…

Anyway, so I’m waiting for my pizza when I notice two things. First, I’m a little sketched out by the 91 health rating for this establishment. You’ve got to commit a pretty heinous act against humanity to be rated in the 80’s, and a 91 is teetering on the edge. Then I notice that the pen the waitress lent me is for prescription vaginal cream.

I sheepishly hand the lady back her pen and wonder if anyone in this county can go 15 minutes without being offered drugs or a hamburger. I also wonder what is to be done about this fact.