Why I've finally decided to blog

Peer pressure. Everyone has a blog these days, so why shouldnt I? I want to fit in. I want to be "cool," or at the very least, not "uncool." I realize that I'm getting older, slower, and, most importantly, that I'm losing my boyish good looks at a precipitous rate. I once had noble goals but no longer. The best I can hope for these days is just to blend in. It all started 2 years ago when I became the last person on the North American Continent to get a cell phone. It was my last stand in the struggle for individuality. Gruesome and humiliating. Now look at me. I'm passenger number 11,987,268 on the blog-train. I'm a reality TV show. And on this premiere episode, let us state our modest goals. I hope that you will log on every day to find ideas that will enlighten and inspire you. You will come upon fantastic tales, one after another, lined up as far as your mouse will scroll, that will each take you to places you've never been, that will warm your heart, and that will, on occasion, reduce you to a chewy-gooey mess of a man or woman. Here, I will publish treatises that will unite nations and end wars. I will cure cancer, juggle chainsaws, and save furry woodland creatures out of trees, regardless of whether or not they need saving, and all the while, I'll be hopping in a potato sack. This blog will render pollution and pestilence things of the past. They will be replaced by hymnals around campfires and those yellow smiley-face, helium-filled balloons, which we will boldly tie around our wrists. All of us, even our most esteemed congressmen. Yes! Especially our congressman. Great writers of the past will be reincarnated as modern day teenage net-surfers for the sole purpose of posting comments on my site. It will bring back the Dodo bird, just because it can, and also those platform shoes with the goldfish in the heel. Styrofome peanuts will no longer be a mark of privilege, as starving children in Africa will be given them by the bucket full. This small, electronic pocket of Nirvana known as my blog will have the magnetic force of a black hole and it will swallow the entire universe and bring joy and good fortune to all of God's creatures, great and small. C'mon, is that too much to ask? Maybe. How bout if I drop the part about the potato sack? With the formalities out of the way, welcome to the program. Do stop by and post hello.